Just why and how did job interviews get to be more nerve-racking than a ride on the Ghost Train? Or, perhaps its just me? I hate them - in the way I hate the dentist, and medical screenings. At least with the latter, there’s a clear purpose. In the case of job interviews, you are plonked in a designated chair, and verbally probed, by a colourless panel, whose onesided questioning technique, is lifted straight from mind-numbing corporate-speak, and standard HR manuals. In response, you try to be engaging, inserting industry buzzwords here and there, careful not to let slip any of the baggage that comes from one or two decades of work and life experience.
Just for once, I want to be interviewed by a decent panel. I want people with chutzpah, who have had to run with the office wolves ...who look like they've eaten more roast dinners than my dog. Moreover, I know I shouldn't compare everything to television culture - but please - why can't I be interviewed by a Jonathan Ross, a Barbara Walters? - or even a Hughesy? - at least someone who shows some genuine interest in my CV; who reflects the admirable qualities, that appear in their organization's website mission statements.
And just like in Dancing with the Stars, at the end of the interview, why can't I get immediate, on-the-spot feedback from the panel, who could hold up their score out of ten? - and then place my name on a leaderboard to be rated alongside fellow interviewees?
Alternatively - they could apply Graham Norton's red chair technique - whereby if panel members become bored with my answers, they can press a button that ejects me (or THEM!) from the chair, and out of the room, never to be heard from again - until of course, I contact them for feedback on my interview performance.
Now schedules are tight, time is money, and staying on-topic is crucial. If you're lucky they'll offer water (though the "Idiot's Guide to Successful Job Interviews" advises you don't drink it).
I liken the interview process in these lean times, to speed-dating (without the dimmed lighting, cocktails, exchange of star-signs, declaration of marital status, and cheap bling).
The Art and Etiquette of Rejection