September 7, 2013

On World Beard Day, I So Need To Talk About Kevin




Well, here in Australia, it is happening before our eyes. On this day of days, election day, when we actually get to vote for our new leader ...I am pondering Prime Minister Kevin.

Poor Kevin.

It's not looking good. Soon, he too could/will? be out of a job like me; sitting at home, taking prolific selfies of himself, sitting on his couch - wearing a leopard print onesie (so fetching) and snacking on nachos. And driving Therese crazy!

And despite Kevin's enduring gift of the gab, to the extent where I think, his next career move (moving forward!), could be as a potential Logies host, or even morning TV presenter! - to rival Bert Newton - the writing is now on the wall.

Poor Kevin.  But really, poor us - for having to listen to his droning verbosity. Admittedly, he does have a good listenable, mellifluous tone to his voice. Perhaps a career in overnight radio awaits (on an easy listening music program please). Or, even - I can see him, on my own very favourite TV Shopping Network (TVSN), smoothly promoting those peptide loaded face creams, that are guaranteed to make the "mature-aged" look a dozen years younger before the next election. He's perfect for that! So lucky to be so telegenic.  I digress.

With favoured terms like programmatic specificity, now almost forgotten, there Kevin was on ABC News 24 this week - reminding me of what a vote for Labor would entail.

For, at the crack of dawn, in response to one reporter's persistent questioning on the  country's economy - Kevin swiftly cut that pesky reporter down to size, by smoothly referring to horizontal fiscal equalisation. What?! Perhaps we can break that one down into syllables. Where are my Cuisenaire rods when I need them?

And I shouted: "Mum! He's doing it again!"

Being a resourceful unemployable,  I swiftly consulted Madame Google.  

Kevin, when will you learn, that we the unwashed masses, like simple terms (which unfortunately, Kevin seems to confuse with being simpleton). Which is why plain speaking Tony Abbott is doing so well. 

And Kevin, why must you always show off like that? Julia would never have used terminology like horizontal fiscal equalisation.

And so what, if the opposition leader uses terms like baddies versus baddies to describe the Syrian dilemma.  For a Labor Prime Minister, your tantrum over this, reflected pompous, know-all, Head School Prefect tendencies ...more than anything else. 

It took me back to first grade, in Primary School, when - still to this day - thanks to my glorious teacher Mrs Leenbruggen, I (like Kevin) am able to insert mid-sentence (but only in my dreams), the handy phrase: transcontinental international shipment. But I don't of course. Though how I wish I did/or could (maybe I'll drop it in at my next job interview?). Better still, I'll see if there are any career openings in that arena, via Seek.

And why didn't I - as a six year old - all those decades ago, view that statement as a future career option? ...and follow it through in my ten year plan ...going forward? I might have become a big-time shipping magnate, or even a Captain Stubing.

To implant that transcontinental international shipment theme into our young, impressionable brains, Mrs. Leenbruggen took our class on a school excursion to Essendon Airport.  I vividly recall, boarding the empty cargo plane. I also hold an imbedded memory of Mrs Leenbruggen's white patent leather boots, and beehive hair-do.

Would I ever look that cool, I wondered? I digress.

However, returning to Kevin.

Perhaps, on this World Beard Day, Kevin  might decide (post election, with Tony comfortably installed in the Lodge) to go totally feral, by growing one?

I think we'd all like to see that.




Photo source: flickr

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